When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
NORM MACDONALDEver see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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The praise we seek for our own virtues sometimes tempts us to flatter the imperfections of other men.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
NORM MACDONALD