Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGANTo Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I told you I was sick.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN