I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow come abbreviated is such a long word?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT