The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
DOROTHY PARKERThe best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.
More Dorothy Parker Quotes
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There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it’s so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
DOROTHY PARKER -
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
DOROTHY PARKER -
You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.
DOROTHY PARKER -
If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.
DOROTHY PARKER -
If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.
DOROTHY PARKER -
A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Now, look, baby, ‘Union’ is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
DOROTHY PARKER -
This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.
DOROTHY PARKER -
It’s not the tragedies that kill us; it’s the messes.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Friends come and go but I wouldn’t have thought you’d be one of them.
DOROTHY PARKER -
The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.
DOROTHY PARKER -
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
DOROTHY PARKER -
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I hate writing, I love having written.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
DOROTHY PARKER -
There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I’m not a writer with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
DOROTHY PARKER -
If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
DOROTHY PARKER