“I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.”

Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

A liberal is a man who leaves the room before the fight starts.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

A girl’s best friend is her mutter.

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

They sicken of the calm who know the storm.

His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets.

Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

You can’t teach an old dogma new tricks.

The only dependable law of life – everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

I’m not a writer with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a writing problem.

There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.

A woman should have every honorable motive to exertion which is enjoyed by man, to the full extent of her capacities and endowments.

What I say is that, if a man really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.

Oppression makes a wise man mad.

A free man thinks of nothing less than of death, and his wisdom is a meditation, not on death, but on life.

The wise man belongs to all countries, for the home of a great soul is the whole world.

A man needs his rest.

When a man is freed of religion, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life.