You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
DOROTHY PARKERYou can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
DOROTHY PARKERMoney cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
DOROTHY PARKERThe only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.
DOROTHY PARKERTelegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
DOROTHY PARKERThey sicken of the calm who know the storm.
DOROTHY PARKERThree be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
DOROTHY PARKERMaybe it is only I, but conditions are such these days, that if you use studiously correct grammar, people suspect you of homosexual tendencies.
DOROTHY PARKERI like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I’m under the table/After four I’m under my host.
DOROTHY PARKERI like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
DOROTHY PARKERA little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
DOROTHY PARKERIf you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.
DOROTHY PARKERWhat ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
DOROTHY PARKERYears are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.
DOROTHY PARKEROf Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.
DOROTHY PARKERI know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.
DOROTHY PARKERIf you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
DOROTHY PARKER