Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECKPregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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Children make your life important.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK