The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLINWe are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Religion is just mind control.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN